Held Hostage

Now that I work at ChristianWeek I get to take home all sorts of books, DVDs and videos. It's one of the many perks of working there. One such book that I'm in the process of reading, is the newly released "Held Hostage" by Ken Cooper.

I wasn't sure what I was getting into when I started this book, but the premis peaked my interest. Ken Cooper was a professional business man who robbed banks as a sideline. The beginning chapters were so-so; I found it hard to read how cocky and full of excuses he seemed to be regarding his lifestyle of crime and duplicity. Then he was shot, arrested and sentenced to 99 years in prison for robbing banks. He could hardly believe it. As a reader, my stomach felt like a rock realizing that this could happen. I do believe in accountability, but come on, a life sentence to "hell on earth" for robbing banks, would hardly bring about neither justice nor rehabilitation!!!

The next part of the book was hard for me to read. I'm just thankful I do not live in the US. What happens to people in prisons there is inhumane to say the least. The author describes crying through the night, overwhelmed at his own sinfulness, while listening quietly to other, younger prisoners get raped, beaten and tortured throughout the "devil's hours". He felt immense guilt for not being able to stop the abuse; especially when he could see the light go out in the victim's eyes come morning. Several suicide attempts took place regularly as they lost all hope.

As I 'd try falling asleep after reading (I always read in bed before going to sleep) I'd cry and mourn for all the unknown young men who, through stupid mistakes, would end up facing such a horrendous fate. I questioned whether or not I should finish the book.

I'm glad I read on. This book is full of hope. Ken Cooper becomes a Christ-follower and, through his prayers and that of other believers around him, the very cell that was called the Lion's Den where all this happened, became a place of prayer and worship. Peace engulfed a once evil group of men.

The book follows Cooper to the Rock where he is to serve out his sentence. Miracle after miracle happens as he grows in Christ and passes on the love Jesus offers. Now, when I put the book down before sleeping, I cry tears of thankfulness that God is such a good God that he never gives up...especially not on those whom society discards as lost causes.

For years, I have felt the desire to reach out to young men; especially somewhat bewildered young men. Maybe because my own son was one of them, but also because as they came through our home, I discovered how wonderful and loving most of them are! Granted, they aren't angels...but who is? The mistakes they make are no worse that the ones we church-going folk make, let alone the ones we made in the past! If God could move in my life at that age and offer forgiveness, why wouldn't he move in theirs?

I haven't really known what to do to help them. All I really could do was open our home, offer some food and a few hugs, tell them Jesus loves them and reprimand them once in a while. And of course, pray! I have prayed and cried many tears over the past 5 years for the young men in our community!

Since my eyes have been opened to the incredible lure of crime & "easy" money for young people, and the consequences for those who buy the lie that crime pays; I've been asking God what he wants for me. I firmly believe God doesn't waste any experience. As a mom, I've faced more than my share of things I never thought possible. I've seen, heard and done things that once would have been unimaginable to me. Why Lord? For what purpose? All this pain, all this sorrow and horror, it can't be for nothing? What would you have me do with it all?

I'm still asking. Reading this book (and others like it), and seeing with my own eyes how poorly our justice system functions, and thinking of all the kids who give up hope way too soon because they feel so unloved and unwanted, knowing how many blame the very God who longs to save them, and realizing how many hurting mothers are out there praying for their kids...well I have to do something! But what? To pray is a given.

Today at church we took communion. I felt sort of empty. Like something was missing. I've felt that a couple of times after church lately...like we're somehow missing the boat. We're a church full of doers. We do this and do that. It's all fine and dandy, and I love the programs we have. But are we missing the "being" part of it while being so busy. And why have so very many people left our church family? Lord, what are you telling us? Are we listening? Maybe we should shut down all and every program we so busily run. A few do all the work and are getting exhausted. Others feel like they aren't part of things and refuse to help. Others feel they can't help and aren't wanted. I think we need to stop the madness. Stop all the programs. Shut down everything from the nursery to the 55 plus group. As a diminishing congregation, let's just sit before the Lord collectively and listen. Find out what HE wants, where HIS priorities lie. I so desire the same movement of the Holy Spirit in our church community as the family of believers at the Rock experienced when they met in their cells. God, come fresh on me!

Then, as communion ended, Linette's beautiful voice started singing "Amazing Grace". I started crying. The Holy Spirit spoke directly to my heart and brought me right back to the moment I considered Jesus. I was sitting in a doctor's office discussing having an abortion at the age of 19 when through the open window I heard the Salvation Army band sing "What a friend we have in Jesus". I went through with the abortion, and all the consequences thereof, but I can still hear that band playing. As our congregation joined Linette singing "My chains fell off, I've been set free" tears rolled down my face. I was overwhelmed with thankfulness that I was forgiven and set free as a prisoner of sin, a year after I made that terrible decision.

I praised God for giving me a fresh wave of thankfulness. I need to constantly remember how wretched I am without Christ. Even more, I need to remember how powerful, awesome, loving and prayer-answering our God is!!!

I received a vision of what I should do. It makes no sense and the practicality of it overwhelms me. But I believe the Lord wants me to start visiting prisons. I could start out with the least threatening one, the most familiar one...Milner Ridge, and work my way through Headingley to Stoney Mountain. Just when I thought I'd never have to return to Milner Ridge, I'm starting to see that maybe God wants me there on a regular basis.

My flesh questions "What difference can a middle-aged woman like me make in a place like that?" Then I think of people like Marie Enns who started an orphanage, and the woman who started an AIDS hospice and the couple who visited Ken in prison offering him hope in Christ. God choses the weak right?

Anyway, I'm not sure where this is taking me. I just had to write it down so I don't forget. I asked God for direction. I asked God to show me his purpose in all this. I asked God to come fresh on me. And I asked him what was wrong with our church and if we were listening. The answer seems to be with me. Am I listening? Am I willing to do, not just be? Not: is the church listening and willing to be not just do! Funny how often the Lord turns our own questions back at us.

If you read this, please pray for me as I continue to explore God's will for me in all this. I do not want to jump ahead of him or approach this lightly. As the convicts in the book I'm reading keep saying; "I'm gonna ask the Big Boss before moving ahead."

By the way, I'm just at the part in the book where God works a miracle again. Ken Cooper is up for parole after God answered their prayer for the judge to release his 33 year minimum juristiction over him in a God-induced foggy state of mind. Now I want to get back to reading.